The Bingo Hall Brawl
by HardyxGirlx89
Summary: Jay is bored, Adam will do anything to keep him from playing the kazoo...so they're going to bingo.


Disclaimer: All the names, trademarks, ect. Are all property of Vince McMahon, WWE, and the respective owners of the songs/quotes used.

I own NOTHING…except my vast knowledge of how not to act in a bingo hall, most of which comes from personal experience…Enjoy =)

"I'm boorrred…" Jay whined as he laid back on his bed and looked over at his room mate, who was laying on his own bed reading one of the local newspapers. "Adam…Addy…hey… pst….what're you reading…hey…hey…Adam…what's my horoscope say?…Adam?…are you sleeping?.."

"No. Now, will you knock it off?" Adam replied irritably as he folded down one corner of the newspaper so he could look at Jay.

"I would but,…I can't."

"You can't?" He repeated, his eyebrows arched with curiosity. "Why the hell not?"

"…I'm boorred"

"Find something to do."

"Yes! We should find something to do."

"I meant you. I don't feel like going to the bar, I'm tired of the same old shit."

"Oh…fine." Jay got off his bed and while Adam returned to reading the paper he crossed the room and grabbed something from his duffle bag. For a couple seconds after that the room was quiet and then suddenly Adam's ears were harassed by the sound of George Michael's Faith being played on a kazoo.

"You've gotta be freakin' kidding me!" He snapped, folding the paper and slapping it down on the bed before turning to Jay, his eyes wide and fierce.

"You don't like this song?"

"I like that song just fine when it's not being played by some dumb-ass on the kazoo."

Jay set the yellow plastic instrument down on the night stand along with his phone and pouted. "I was making a new ring tone so when you call me I know it's you." He said with a sigh. "I was only trying to keep myself entertained. Why can't we go out? We could go to a movie…that won't take much energy on your part."

"You're not gonna give up eh?"

"No…and I know a lot of songs on the kazoo. I can do a little KISS - I know you love them…oh - how about Beth?!"

"No…please no…anything but that."

"Anything?"

"…damn you. "

"Woo-hoo!!!" Jay hopped off his bed, jumped onto Adam's, and grabbed the paper so he could look for the show times. However, as he began flipping through the pages his eyes fell on a colorful ad and he was immediately sucked in. "Big prizes…fun…Jackpot Bingo!…Let's do that instead!"

"What?…"

"Let's go to bingo." Jay set the paper down and looked at Adam with a smirk, but the Rated-R Superstar wasn't smiling. As a matter of fact for a few moments Adam was speechless, he couldn't fathom a response to Jays ridiculous suggestion, but once he did his face scrunched up in perplexity.

"Have.. you.. lost.. your mind?" He asked slowly, while gesturing at Jay. "Why in the hell would I wanna go to bingo?"

"…the ad says big cash prizes"

"I'm still not convinced" He folded his arms across his chest and shook his head, but that didn't seem to matter to Jay because he grabbed him, pulled him off the bed, and dragged him towards the door.

"but it the paper says it's fun, and if all else fails…there are bound to be girls there."

Adam sighed. "Oh yea, Milly and Myrtle with their canes and brand new plastic hips…this'll be exciting."

"Stop being negative, we could win! Come on!! What've we got to lose?"

"Our dignity…"

* * *

Adam pulled up in front of the hall, shut the engine off, and glanced over at Jay with a look of desperation on his face. "Please...please don't make me go in there."

"You said anything.."

"And I'll never make that mistake again." He grumbled as he got out of the car and allowed his fellow Canadian to lead him into the hall. "I don't even know how in the hell this works."

"Well we're gonna get our cards over there, then we'll pick a seat, just not next to one of the ladies with all the Trolli's and lucky knick-knacks because…well one Trolli's scare me a little and B those knick-knacks are a pain in the ass, they have to be lined up just so and-"

"Jay - FOCUS!"

"Oh…right sorry. Cards, seats, then the games will start. Don't worry about that, I'll help you."

"You've done this before?"

"…no.."

"Jay.."

"My Gram made me go…"

He put his hand on his hip and quirked an eyebrow as he looked at Jay. "Made you?"

"Alright well… I might've offered…but the Old Folks center were she played had free cookies."

"I don't know if I'm disgusted by how low you'd stoop for free food, or impressed by what you're willing to do to satisfy your burning desire for cookies."

"They pinched my cheeks.."

"Oh…then I'm impressed." Adam nodded decisively then followed Jay as he got into the line to get their bingo cards.

"How many?" The woman behind table asked in a voice that was the classic grandma combo of cheery and fragile.

"Um..let's see…Lucille.." Jay smiled as he bent a little closer and read the worker's name tag. "I'll have one of those big packs and he'll take a sheet of 6."

"Oh..a newcomer" She squeaked as she got their packets and handed them to them. "You boys have fun."

"We will." He smiled at her and paid for the cards then moved further down the line to the man that was selling a variety different colored dabbers. "You'll need one of those.." He told Adam, who was already holding one and shaking it violently.

"What the hell is it?"

"It's to mark the numbers - you've seriously never played this game before?"

"Well I don't frequent Bingo halls, not all of us are marks for old ladies Jay."

The man tending to the sales of dabbers clearly overheard the conversation and looked up at Jay with a smirk that caused the younger man to blush and begin to stammer. "I..I'm not..I don't.."

"It's alright if you do..." The man who's name tag read Frank, assured Jay with a toothless grin. "They still get the job done."

Adam's jaw dropped in horror. "Oh..Oh god…okay..that's way to much information…I..my ears…" He clapped his hands tightly over his ears and looked at Jay, the expression on his face a mixture of mortification and disgust. "HELP!"

"You're pathetic." Jay sighed, picked up a couple of dabbers, and paid the man before leading Adam to a nearly full table and getting their things situated. "You just don't know when to shut up do you?"

"I'd like to think I've learned my lesson here tonight…but I know that's probably not the case at all. You know how I am."

"And I still choose to hang around with you. It's one of my life's great mysteries."

"It's because of my awesomeness." Adam nodded happily then looked down at the cards in front of him. "Alright semi-pro…how does this work?"

"One second.." Jay laid his cards out and got them all situated before arranging Adam's so that the games were all in order and he'd just have to tear the top sheet off in order to play the next game. "All you have to do is follow along on the game sheet and make the bingo pattern needed to win the game." He explained with a smile as he unscrewed the cap of Adam's dabber and sat it in front of him. "When the numbers are called you mark them off on your card with your dabber. Got it?"

"I think so…"

"Great. Now, sshh…the game is starting."

The small buzz of chatter that had filled the hall died down and Adam looked around. He was waiting for something exciting to happen and to say what followed disappointed him would be the understatement of the century.

" N 34...N 34..." The monotone voice of the man sitting next to the ball machine called out over the loud speaker. "B 9...B9..."

"Adam, why aren't you covering the numbers?"

Jays voice caused Adam to stop looking around the room at the mass of people that were manically blocking out numbers with various brightly colored inks and look back at his former tag team partner. "…this is it?"

"Well it hasn't gotten exciting yet, wait until they call a few more numbers and you get close to having a bingo."

Figuring he'd give his friend and this hellishly boring game the benefit of the doubt Adam picked up the dabber Jay had bought him and with a sigh started marking off the numbers that had been called, as well as the new ones…

about 3 numbers later Adam was sure bingo wasn't the game for him.

"Couldn't it be a little more fast paced?" He whined.

"SHHH." A pair of old ladies beside him snapped irritably.

"We can't here the numbers if you talk." The one with the blue-tint hair added as glared at Adam, who simply replied with the first thing he could think of.

"TURN YOUR HEARING AIDS UP." He said slowly, making sure to pronounce each of the overly loud words perfectly so the woman would hear him. "THAT SHOULD DO IT."

"Adam." Jay hissed. "They're not deaf, you're not following bingo etiquette."

"…You've gotta be fucking kidding me, bingo etiquette?"

"Yea…come on man, give it a chance, relax and have a little fun."

The look on Jay's face made it clear he wasn't screwing around so Adam shifted in his seat and once again decided to give the game a try. A few games later he was starting to get the hang of things, but he still wasn't too impressed because it seemed like every time he was starting to get mildly interested, or close to getting a bingo, someone across the room screamed BINGO!

"Alright…next game.." Jay instructed, tearing off his top sheet and helping Adam by doing the same to his cards. "This time you're going to make a Crazy Kite."

"A what?"

"A kite." He repeated, while showing Adam which squares he needed to block out for a win.

"For real? All these freakin' weird games, what happened to making one line? "

"Calm down this is the last game-"

"THANK GOD!"

"…before intermission.." Jay continued. "Then we'll get up and get you a snack, alright?"

"Fine." He grumbled as the game started. "but I swear to god Jay this is the first and last time I come to Bingo-"

"Bingo?" A bunch of sighs escaped the crowd as the caller got up and looked at Adam and one of his assistants made his way through the aisle to grab Adam's sheet and check it.

"What're they doing?" The long haired blonde turned from the man holding his bingo cards and looked at Jay, only to see that his fellow Canadian had his forehead resting in his palm and was shaking his head.

"You're not supposed to say 'bingo' during a game unless you've got a bingo."

"but we were talking about bingo.."

"Doesn't matter."

"So it's a false bingo?" The assistant asked Jay, he nodded and then game resumed while the crowd griped about newbies.

"There are way too many rules here." Adam grumbled lowly while smacking his dabber against the numbers that were being called. "I thought this was supposed to be fu-..aw…damn it! My boinker is broken!!"

"You're what?" Jay asked, while attempting not to fall out of his seat laughing. "What the hell is a boinker?"

Before Adam had a chance to answer the old lady beside him turned to them, a Cheshire cat like grin on her face. "They make pills for that now, don'tcha' know."

Adam's jaw dropped and he started gesturing to his dabber, while Jay tried to calm himself "That's…what…you…meant?" He asked breathlessly, the other man nodded quickly.

"Yea..that!"

"It's called a dabber. Where the hell did you get boinker from?"

"I have no idea damn it!! Just give me yours before one of these old broads tries to slip me a happy pill. " He snapped.

"BINGO!"

"Never mind." Adam said with a relieved sigh "Intermission right?"

"Right."

"Good. 'Cuz I'm gonna go refuel…" He set his broken boinker down and got up from the seat he was in. "get a new one of those, and when I get back…it's so on…I'm gonna win no matter what I have to do."

"It's a game, not a title match."

"It's a matter of pride!" He replied dramatically "Now, I'm going to get some cookies - you in or not?"

"Oh, I'm in." Jay crumpled up their losing sheets and threw them away then started across the room with Adam, a bright smile on his face upon seeing the snack table.

"So I've been thinking." Adam began with a smirk as he grabbed a few cookies off the table. "We could improve the odds of winning…"

Jay was nibbling on a peanut butter cookie, but nodded to show he was paying attention. "I don't know that I like where this is going." He said once he'd swallowed the bite in his mouth. "but…I'm listening."

"Don't listen…watch." He grinned, grabbed a few more cookies, then started leading Jay back towards their seats. The short haired man wasn't sure what he was watching for, but then as they passed a table full of old people Adam suddenly began coughing rather loudly and sniffling - drawing their attention immediately. "Oh man…this H1N1 is kicking my ass…I should've stayed home." He coughed a few more times, only covering his mouth a little to hide the smirk that appeared as a few of them got up and headed for the door.

Jay glanced at him, a look of complete disbelief playing across his features. "You're using the elderly's fear of sickness against them?" He muttered under his breath. "That's despicable."

"Hey, their weak immune systems aren't my problem. The less people that play, the better chance I have at winning" He shrugged and settled himself in his seat for the next round of games…a round that had him bored out of his mind after 15 minutes.

Pulling his phone out he put it on silent and opened a new message.

To: C. Jericho

Subject: .

Message: Jay dragged me to Bingo, I think my brain is melting.

- Adam.

He smirked at the message, hit the send button then waited until the phone buzzed signaling a reply.

From: C. Jericho

Subject: RE: .

Message: What're you moronic assclowns doing at Bingo? - That's an old lady sport.

- Sexy Beast *~*

To: C. Jericho

Subject: RE: RE: .

Message: I'm an idiot, he was making ring tones with a kazoo…

does your signature really say sexy beast? …HAHA!..wishful thinking hambone.

- Adam

"Hey." Adam hit send then looked up to see the old lady sitting a few chairs away from Jay glaring at him like he owed her rent money. "You can't use that in here." She barked. "No cell phones."

He stared blankly at her, then just as Jay opened his mouth to tell politely tell the lady that Adam didn't no any better, he found his voice. "Well I'm sorry, but I had to check in on my kids…"

Jay hadn't been bothered by the texting, or the woman snapping at Adam, but that retort tore his attention away from his cards. "Wh-what?" He sputtered.

"Oh, I'm sorry baby, our kids..you know they love you too." He smiled warmly at Jay then looked at the lady once again. "See I like to keep in touch with them a lot. I don't wanna lose my bond with them just because I left their mommy for Uncle Jay." He explained, making air quotes around Jays new title and winking at her.

The woman sat there silently horrified, gasping to find the words, but she couldn't and soon enough she went back to her bingo cards.

"That'll teach 'em." Adam smirked.

"Oh yea it will baby." Jay shot back with a glare. "Can you just put the phone away - there's one more game, the big game, then we can go back to the hotel."

"Fine." He sighed, slipped the phone back into his pocket and grabbed his dabber as the last game started.

"This one is black out, you cover them all to win." Jay told him as the man started calling the numbers.

He sighed, picked up new dabber he'd gotten during intermission, and began playing the card. "Gonna freakin' last forever.." he muttered.

…Oh how very wrong he was.

About 15 minutes later he was wiggling in his seat, one number left on his card that wasn't covered with red ink…and then the man called it. "N36...N-"

"BINGO!!!!" He shot up out of his chair with the sheet in his hand and waved it around like a maniac. "Right here ! Me! That's right! I won! I won!" He gloated while flashing all of the old ladies one of his winning smiles. "All of you doubted me, you were wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG."

The assistant took his card, checked it and once he verified that Adam had in fact won he asked the tall blonde to stick around for a minute because he had to get the prize money from the lock up box.

"Stupid beginners luck." Jay grumbled. "I'm going out to the car, I'll meet you out there?"

Adam nodded, then waited for the man to get the prize money - it took a few minutes but sure enough he returned with the cash. "Thank you!" He grinned and started away from the man, his intention was to leave but he saw a few left over cookies and went to grab them

..he didn't realize he wasn't alone in the hall until someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yea" He turned around, and as soon as he did he felt something damp connect with his forehead. "What the hell!" He shouted, dropping his cookie and looking down at the small crowd of old ladies standing before him. "What is this?!"

"You don't screw with Bingo night." One of them declared, whacking him with her cane .

Shocked at their behavior, he stumbled and while he was trying to recover the rest of them began throwing bingo balls at him.

In retaliation he grabbed one of their dabbers, twisted the cap off, and began poking at them. He did manage to connect a few times, but he was out numbered and once they grabbed their bingo markers he knew he was fighting a losing battle.

"Get 'em" They shouted, grabbing the new found weapon of choice, and smacking the ink pad against his exposed skin - leaving bright spots that covered his arms, neck and face.

* * *

Out in the car Jay was wonder what the hell was taking Adam so long, but then he just assumed it would take some time to get the cash so he sat back and started texting Chris - telling him about the game, explaining why Adam hadn't texted him back, and such. He was in the middle of a typing a message when the car door opened quickly and he looked over to see his best friend covered in different colored dots, an unamused look upon his face.

"What..the..hell? What happened in there?"Jay asked, holding back a laugh and trying to sound concerned.

"It was a mass attack…" Adam panted, shaking his head. "I had to run to get out of there. You wouldn't believe it…they threw bingo balls at, so I boinked them, but all hell broke loose and they got me back.."

"Well yea, you screwed with bingo night." He said simply. "Whoa - wait, that last part…they threw balls at you and…you did what?"

"I BOINKED THEM!" Adam shouted proudly. "Those old ladies were asking for it, and I gave it to them."

Jay grinned. "…and there's my new ring tone for you."

* * *

No real point to this story, just a silly idea I had - hope you enjoyed!...oh and..*puppy eyes* Review?...because you love me...and if you don't...I'll find you and I'm pro at using a dabber on people ^-^


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